My mind just went blank!

Well, only been around a couple of days and I have no idea what the "chicken cluck" to say! Isn't it awful when your mind just goes blank? I could talk bollocks, but then that's me through and through - you'll all just think, "that's all I hear from him all day, but he's funnier in the flesh because of his funny little face!". I could warm up a little with stories from my past - some of you will know these, but they are fun to recall: Quite a few years ago I had an interview for my current employer - responsible for setting up a new national computer system. At the end of the interview I was asked if I had any questions - being the well prepared primate that I am I had questions assembled in my mind that had formed over the few hours prep I had done prior to this encounter ... "I was wondering what level of penetration this programme will have across the entire country?" ... I didn't have any idea of what followed until I had been offered, accepted and started the role. On my first day in the office my manager sat me down to bring me up to speed with what was happening, before she started she recalled what happened at the interview. I could not believe my ears, and to this day am so glad I never noticed what happened when I asked that well formed question - if I had noticed I would not have been offered the job! ... "I was wondering what level of penetration this programme will have across the entire country?" - at this point the lead interviewer (department director) leant towards me across the desk, hands planted in front of her for support and stated firmly, with absolute conviction, "Full penetration!". I did at the time wonder why the other two interviewers went red faced and looked to be struggling to breath, but thought nothing of it. How lucky I was to be as focused as I was during that first encounter with my new boss!

hello world

Well, after being around since the advent of the first coconut being opened and spilling it's milky white fluid across the dry earth I thought it was probably time to give up on what passes as internet porn and move on to try and create some sort of cringe worthy mind-fuck that may gross you out, but where the images I create stay with you and distract you from your daily grind. Most things I think are pretty damned offensive - I hold much back, but quite often find myself slightly embarrassed - but making others around me titter away to themselves, often recounting this to others for years to come. Quite often my observations, although harsh at the time, turn out to be spot on. For example, whilst witnessing the 9/11 disasters live on television I found myself announcing to the room "Well, it's not like they didn't see that one coming!". Everyone was disgusted, but in less than a year the papers were echoing my very thoughts and everyone agreed. Anyways, over the next few days I'll be sharing some of my thinkings, as well as some stories and situations I've created over the course of my life. So, until then feck off and tell everyone to follow my blog. If you know me you may grow to love me more or may just never want to speak to me again - if you don't know me and don't like what I say then please don't complain, simply go and read something more to your liking!